First week research on myself… review for taking care of myself

First week research on myself… review for taking care of myself

Grooming Moya moya

◆What are the purposes that I joined this place???
-To participate in the (community based ) child raising
*just interesting. what I haven’t experienced. Can experience how it is without any much responsibility and paying lots of money
*the society with communal children raising seems great.. when did i think so?.. when listening to the consultees
*Any other meaning? beyond just fun and curious?? what is curious???
Purpose and meaning is not necessary?

-To observe how to develop the community
->Hmm do i want to make those things..? Maybe wanna be one of the social capital? Not like helping people but I myself enjoy and that would be also good for others.

◆What was different from my anticipation?
-Not that environmental friendly? so much garbage… no recycling!?
-More than one child, though I’ve heard… good and busy
-Jazzy timing/ flow, bein Fuzzy might be much more frustrated than i expected

◆What have been the joyful things?
kids are cute
when my friend told me thank you for coming
everyday full of lessons:cooking, putting the label on the fridge that “it’s EVERYONE’s food”
sharing the events; how to give milk, bathing for baby, go to ward office for birth registration
more opportunities to sing

◆What have been the frustrating things?
Money
It’s part of my challenges to leave the status of being employed. Though I think I have enough SAVINGs(stock), future income FLOW is not confirmed, I feel.
In this community, how much you) pay is very fuzzy and jazzy...which makes me think a lot (too much)... when you eat foods which other people brought, you can put some money in the donation box( called Omoiyari box). When you buy food for other people you can pick some amount of money from that box.. but it’s kind of up to you...I somehow (wanna?) show others that I’m putting the money to that box to express that I’m CONTRIBUTING… Rent is kind of fixed but the fee for electricity, water and the internet is included?? in the community fee???? Besides the rent and community fee, you can pay additional money as a donation.
So how much Should I pay? Do i Want to pay??
Paying for the community/ Other people would be the good investment but do I have fear of losing money? or being recognized as a Stingy person???
Not being fixed is good and kind of essential but at the same time hard to ask my will to my heart?? Maybe I can ask God for everything?
Timing and Role/Responsibilities
*When do I feel that I’m carrying my responsibility?
-When i change diapers
-When I sing, study, play games, listen, talk with kids
-When I cook ?<-> what to cook? what do they like? Is it appropriate ? Should I let others do that??
when others say delicious, i feel happy^^
-When i help the mom for going out ex.city hall, hospital etc.

*Timing for meals is also not fixed. When I’m feeling angry and waiting for others, i feel annoyed :( -> eat some protein based snack, chewing gums or drink something)

◆What makes me satisfied?
-To have my own time without thinking about other people...taking a walk alone, Yoga , meditation, listening to the music, journaling, restroom, taking a bath (Though need to think it won't be too long: other people are waiting! maybe after sometime i will be more relaxed?)
-When I did what I wanted to do… Studies, Tasks etc.

◆Emotions
Frustrated, Sad, losing confidence( to get along with the people here!? Am I accepted?..These feelings happen a lot but eventually I find out that I have been loved a lot), perfectionism, I’m not good enough.
Annoyed (just sometimes)
Happy, peaceful… when touching the baby
Impatience.. should i work soon? Can I stay in “doing Nothing” status ?

◆How can I feel more relaxed?
To play a role as a relaxing person
Maybe my emotions are not that coming to the surface, as always.. so try to convey both negative and positive feelings.
Allow myself to be more LAZY
Improve the relationship with meri saheli.. is she empathetic? sometimes, maybe. I cannot control her reaction but I can empathize with my own feelings and i can convey my feelings to her….she is too strong? or not but not sharing feelings kamo… similar to ssan?? this time maybe keeping a certain distance would be better?? I mean set the boundary.
Balancing…?? Do I want to put more time for the baby? or do I want more time to be alone?
Meditation?
ALLOW myself to sleep, feel
Let go..what others would think about me
To remember that necessary things and happy things are already given.
Praise myself
Need to communicate more with her ...just trying is very good enough
参与観察？？Participant observation
.. what is the research question?
Ask friends to listen to me

◆Ideal life would be..?
Kabhi Kabhi India, kabhi kabhi here, and kyoto and Kanagawa??
percentage for baby & kids? 25-30%?
50% REST!!!
25% Study