Aweee.
Crying night
Both of my Mom and Dad are kind of awkward.
Mom said that the timing of returning home is not good. Since mom is not feeling well...
If I can't return home when I'm not feeling good, I can't come home?
She said it's not good timing cz she can't take care of me... Just allowing me to be here is very enough...
Awee.
I just wanna be said, it's your place, you can come anytime.
Eventually she suggested to stay longer...
(Or go to Hokkaido or Nagano for farming !?)
Awee. She's not good at listening (not like me !?) But maybe trying to take care of me.
***
Latest courage... Need space?
***
Called to the night dream hot line run by a midwife.
My concern is like a Dad's one... Dad's crisis after baby was born.
I know that's interesting...
The midwife is kind of easy going person...
"I" message would be important and effective.
To be a parent, self satisfaction /self care is very important.
The baby is 4months old, that means the Mom is also 4 months old mom.
Me too. I have 4 months experience.
4 months mom's condition...
Physically getting easier but still need breast‐feeding at nights.
Baby is getting cuter every moment but if Dad (and other persons also?) is not paying enough attention, the Mom might feel ...sad, like why?? She's so cute but you don't care ??
I see...body and mind have a gap, that's very tough...
According to the midwife and I also feel the same way,,,
If the mom is not satisfied (with the relationship with Dad), getting along with other allo- parents would be difficult.
And I'm not the right person to take care of the Mom.
できないことはできないし〜！٩(๑´0`๑)۶
居られないところには居られないや〜！
So, staying longer here wouldn't work.
The word "distance" would be tough.
My honest and faithful feeling would be...
- I think the house and what you are doing is nice and I respect that
- That is why I joined and stayed for a while, did my best...!
- Then I found that I'm exhausted...つかれちゃったみたい。
stomach ache, stuffed neck, menstruation delay...
( Not saying it's because of you )
- Don't interfere and watch (みまもる）stance would be healthy for me (us)
(I'll take distance cz I love the baby)
Maybe delivering the key message by email and talk later?
So many lessons.
Trying to adjust the balance in unnamed relationship is sooooooo tough.
***
I don't know why I'm struggling??
Am I denying myself struggling??
It's nice struggling after all...
いろんな人にはなしすこしずつきいてもらえてありがたいけど、簡単にはすっきりしない、もやもや。。
さっさと動けばよい？
Being adventurous is a good nature of mine but sometimes I feel so depressed and feel self hatred... I'm feeling desperate because of myself...
冒険して時々激落ちするのが自業自得感あって凹む…
After letting go of this, will I recharge energy for a new job ?? God please help me ...
Awee life is full of learning...!
